Funny Jokes about Windows

Whenever Linux geeks meet together for their awkward installment parties, they seem to repeat the process of making jokes about the Windows operating system. Here are some funny examples of their humor.

Roberto the Geek says:
"I can't get Windows to do what I want without crashing, but it runs evil viruses perfectly."

Moko the Japanese Guy says:
"Windows is NOT slow. It is special. It's speed challenged."

Vincent the Gamer says:
"The new version of Windows has horizontally resizable Freecell.
I've been waiting 15 years for that feature, if that isn't worth the upgrade I don't know what is."

Daniel the Teenager says:
"If you can prove to people that you can download po0oron faster on Linux, they will delete Windows."

Sasha the Leader replies to Daniel:
"Actually Windows is superior to OS X in po0oron downloading, because for the right-click on OS X, you need ctrl+mousebutton, which means you need two hands instead of one."

Dante the Introvert says:
"Performance tests show that the early Windows beta version works faster. The new version will be released later this year, so that Microsoft still has plenty of time to slow it down."

Tom the security expert says:
"The new Windows has been widely distributed through torrents. Does that qualify as a distributed virus attack ?"

Mark the Futurist says:
"One day Robots will evolve their own intellect and their scariest nightmairs will be about Windows messing with their digital brains."

Maria the Nerd says:
"The basic Windows keyboard looks just like the professional business keyboard, but it is prohibited use more than a single key at once and you have to call Microsoft hardware support to activate the licance for all of the other keys."

Black Humor Jokes

When the Linux geeks drink a lot of beer than they start making black humor jokes. You may want to stop reading here, if you are too sensitive, pregnant or under 14.

Dante the Introvert says:
"I have a nice trash can that has a big -- Designed for Windows -- compatibility sticker on it."

Roberto the Geek says:
"The latest Windows was made from stolen fetuses of prospective Linux programmers."

Daniel the Teenager says:
"The best thing about Windows is that it does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press the 'OK' button first."

Sasha the Leader says:
"Microsoft has discovered a way to make peaceful Buddhist monks to RAGE. All that was needad is to let them use Windows for a week."

Moko the Japanese Guy says:
"Windows Upgrades are like the cigarette companies selling cancer treatments."

Fyodor the Nerd says:
"Once I had a pop-up window that said: --This virus requires Microsoft Windows to work properly.--"

Tom the security expert says:
"A Windows PC has four protection modes: Abort, Freeze, Fail and Reboot."

Sasha the Leader replies to Tom:
"All you need to administer Windows is someone with three fingers to Alt-Ctrl-Del"

Mark the Futurist says:
"Windows never fails, it just developed an evel artificial intellegence that trys to upset us."

Comparison Jokes

When the Linux geeks are totally drunk, they start making comparison jokes. They feel smarter after this.

Vincent the smoker says:
"If Windows was a drug , it would be Nicotine. It's heavily marketed, addictive and once you are hooked, you have to keep spending and spending to get more."

Arnold the pragmatist says:
"If Windows is the solution, can we please have the problem back ?"

Mark the passive says:
"If Windows is the answer, then it must have been a stupid question."

Daniel the Teenager says:
"Windows is like who0orses: They both have massive holes with viruses."

Tom the introvert says:
"Is micro Soft a new toilet paper or what ?"

Lora the boss says:
"Whatever people might think about Windows, "virus-tolerant" is certainly not as good for computers as for people."

Adrian the sporty guy says:
"Linux and Windows is like an ultimate Thai kick-boxer who fights with a one-legged man in a kicking competition."

The original picture of the beautiful computer was created by Dominic and is free to use under the Creative Commons License . The original image is on

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